The first quarter of 2009 was quite slow; Bow Wow’s latest was among its most notable releases, after all. The most annoying thing was that we were promised many albums that never saw the light of day, from Jay to Lupe to Big Boi to Paul Wall. (Just kidding about that last one - yes it was promised, no I’m not upset.) Still, it hasn’t been all bad; I’ve got nothing against the Jim Jones joint and the new MF Doom album — which I discuss here — is pretty damn good, as is the latest from Minneapolis rapper P.O.S.
What does the rest of the year hold? Glad you asked. Below are my predictions for the final three quarters; I can guarantee their accuracy within a margin of error of 4.39 percent.
Xzibit Records With Neil Young
The rap community is stunned when Pimp My Ride host Xzibit announces he has joined forces with aging hippie grunge god Neil Young to record an album dedicated to automobiles. It is entitled Struts, Shocks, Bud and Glocks. To promote the rock/rap hybrid work, Xzibit customizes Young’s 1959 bio-hydro-electric Lincoln Continental, repainting the exterior royal purple and adding 26 inch rims and suicide doors. Unfortunately, on his first trip out Young is robbed of his rims at gunpoint and subsequently abandons the project.
Eminem, Dr. Dre and 50 Cent albums see release on same day
Relapse, Detox and Before I Self-Destruct, the latest works from the marquee Shady/Aftermath artists, come out on the same July day. In an attempt to publicize the albums in the only way he knows how, 50 starts a beef with both Dre and Slim, his last known friends in the world. After the pair threaten to skip his birthday party, however, 50 retracts his comments and the albums fail.
Asher Roth Dates Eve
Ceasing his attempts to prove his hip hop legitimacy through his rhymes, Asher Roth begins trying to do so through his libido. Fresh off of a breakup, Eve is spotted with the Caucasian rapper at a DQ in Roth’s hometown of Morristown, Pennsylvania. She initially denies the affair but is forced to come clean when a paparazzi snaps a shot of her the newest tattoo on her chest, which reads: “Roth Ryder.”
Lil Wayne’s Rock Album Hits Number One
Lil Wayne’s rock album Rebirth debuts at number one upon its December debut, buoyed by the single “Headbanger’s Balls.” Its video features Wayne jamming with guys wearing tight pants and Pantera t-shirts in a heavy metal club, and is highlighted by a heart-stopping, whammy-bar-assisted, two-minute long guitar solo Wayne appears to play. Guns N’ Roses guitarist Buckethead, however, claims responsibility for the solo and sues for royalties, but the suit is dropped after the pair settle their differences over a dinner of cough-syrup flavored Hawaiian Punch and Popeye’s chicken.
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